You suck, and that's okay

The fear of starting something new is real, but even after surpassing that fear there is another harsh realization..you suck at it.

The fear of starting something new is real. We all want to gather new skills, have a healthy lifestyle, learn a new sport, but after the initial burst of excitement, doubt creeps in. "Where would it fit in my schedule?", "Am I built for this?", "Who is gonna learn it with me or teach me?". These questions flood our minds, challenging our capacity and capability.

And for those who push past the initial hesitation and actually start, another reality hits... you suck. Yes, you suck. You're terrible at it. In fact, you're probably worse than terrible. But that's okay. That's what I want to talk about today. When starting a new skill or activity, you're going to suck. And that's a good thing. I'm going to explain why, and most importantly, how to "un-suck."

Inspired by the Exceptional Outliers

When we discover a new skill or activity, we usually encounter the exceptional outliers first. If you dream of being a tech entrepreneur, names like Steve Jobs, Elon Musk, Mark Zuckerberg, and Sam Altman come to mind. Aspiring footballers are inspired by Ronaldo, Messi, Zlatan, and other exceptional players. The same applies to musicians, artists, and every other discipline.

We see the best of the best, celebrated for their exceptional abilities. They make the activity seem exciting, challenging, but ultimately doable. Your brain starts fantasizing about performing at their level. This is the first illusion.

When you actually start, you realize that these individuals operate far above the baseline. And you? You're far, far below. Your brain, still comparing you to those outliers, whispers that you're terrible, nothing like them, even below average. This realization can be painful, especially if it's something you truly want to enjoy. The joy and excitement evaporate, leaving behind the disheartening feeling of inadequacy.

Time is Illusive

The biggest demotivator when faced with this realization is time. How long will it take to become as good as those you admire? Years? Decades? It's hard to process time on such long timescales. Counting day-by-day or hour-by-hour, the journey can seem pointless and futile.

But here's the trick: time is illusive. We measure and process time on a daily or weekly basis. It's hard to think in terms of years because our activities are measured in days or weeks. Long-horizon goals seem to take an immeasurable amount of time compared to our usual activities. This is an illusion. Time moves continuously, indifferent to our daily cycles. The years will flow by, and most likely arrive sooner than expected.

How Tall is the Mountain?

How difficult is the journey ahead? It depends on the endeavor. Some skills demand more physical and mental effort than others. If you're learning something very difficult, don't be discouraged. See it as a source of motivation. The taller the mountain, the greater the effort required, and the higher the value of reaching the summit.

A difficult skill is not easily acquired. By embracing the challenge and investing the time, you gain confidence in its value. It sets you apart from the crowd.

When to Give Up

Not everyone is meant to do everything. We can diversify our skills, but we can't be great at everything. Physical attributes, personal interests, and other factors play a role.

Think deeply about the skill you want to learn. It will take time and be very difficult. You need intrinsic motivation to achieve mastery.

Even with intrinsic motivation, the thought of giving up is common. To be honest, I'm still figuring this out myself. I don't have a definitive answer, but I often turn to this quote by Phil Knight for inspiration:

"Sometimes you have to give up. Sometimes knowing when to give up, when to try something else, is genius. Giving up doesn't mean stopping. Don't ever stop."

How Do I Un-suck?

If we all suck at things by default, how do we get good? The short answer is time and effort. There are no shortcuts, secret algorithms, or cheat codes.

Observe babies learning to walk or speak. They understand this intuitively. They try, and try again, repeating sequences, observing failures, and optimizing their approach.

Being very bad at something is good because it reminds us that we are limited in our knowledge and abilities, it gives us a blank sheet to analyse our selves by starting from the bottom again at something, this can also give us a new level of humility and insight when working on things we already think we know.

When learning a new skill, adopt the mindset of an infant learning to walk. You know nothing. You have expectations. But you also know two things: 1) it can be done, and 2) you will learn how to do it too.